I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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