Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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