im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
