I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
