Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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