Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
