you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
