i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
