I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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