God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Randomize