I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
