he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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