I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
