it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize