Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize