I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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