im about as happy as oj after his trial
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
