ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
