franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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