you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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