Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
