I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
