Someone shit on the floor
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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