I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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