when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
being pregnant is like rehab
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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