yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
