Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
