I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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