thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
