she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
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