Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
