What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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