Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
