Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
