he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
