I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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