At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize