omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
