I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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