My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
