I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
