I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
