So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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