I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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