Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
