Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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