How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
