The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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