my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
