All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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