i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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