I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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