dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
