he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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