How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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