I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
