At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize