So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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