Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
