OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
