How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize