Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
