if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
