She said her name was "party"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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