I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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