the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
