I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
