who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
