Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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