put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
