At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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