What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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